Turns out metal is a surprisingly romantic genre. Kind of.
10Opeth – Face of Melinda
Let’s start off gentle. A little foreplay if you will. Swedish progressive death metal outfit Opeth, led by the ever adaptable and experimental Mikael Åkerfeldt, is, for my money, one of the most romantic bands in existence regardless of genre. Their romance is a kind of Dracula inspired one though. There’s a hint of a gothic tragedy at all times to their explorations. As if Edgard Allan Poe had been resurrected in Sweden and bought a sweet PRS SE Custom 24 TG. ‘Face of Melinda’ is the centrepiece of Opeth’s 1999 opus Still Life. A bit of a break in the middle of the storm, it is a track that would win over any stony heart.
9Limp Bizkit – Nookie
Is Limp Bizkit metal? Damn right it is. This one is the ode to the teenager in all the men in the world. Who, no matter what they claim, definitely did it all for the nookie at some stage. To be fair, those first two Limp Bizkit albums are great craic. And the Bizkit have a couple of bangers in there too. Like ‘Break Stuff’, ‘No Sex’, and their rather frantic cover of George Michael’s ‘Faith’.
8Korn – A.D.I.D.A.S.
Another nu-metal track in here. It’s as if people were obsessed with sex in the ’90s. They probably were. Did you know that kids these days are having less sex than previous generations? Let that sink in. The best thing in the world to do for free, and kids are on their phones. Darn kids! Etc. Anyway, this track from Korn, the pioneers of nu-metal, appeared on their second album Life is Peachy. Which, I imagine, was an ironic title. Everyone wins here, as Korn manage to shoe horn in a nod to trainer manufacturer Adidas, probably getting some free kicks in the process. Which, I hope, they gave to their wives and girlfriends for Valentine’s Day.
7Pantera – This Love
I guess this one is for sex after you’ve had a big barnstorming row and hate each other a little. Phil Anselmo doesn’t look like a gentle lover. He’s a rough and tumble kind of guy. Dimebag Darrell, on the other hand, was definitely a deterous and generous lover.
6Soundgarden – Big Dumb Sex
This is not only called ‘Big Dumb Sex’, it is also a big dumb song. Great craic though. Cornell and co. rarely showed even the slightest hint of humour in any of their music, which makes this an especially beautiful gem of tongue in cheek wit. Taken from their nascent and epic 1989 album Louder Than Love. I remember hearing this song and being absolutely, wonderfully confused by it. The track became a favourite at house parties. What a chorus.
5Alice in Chains – Love, Hate, Love
More Seattle awesomeness here from another one of the big four. In a similar vein to the Pantera track, but more moody and brooding. So, I guess this is the track for when you’ve mad up but one of you is harbouring some kind of resentment! Or maybe for some kind of saucy role play thing. Whatever. You, do you. Taken from their very metal debut record Facelift, it showcases Layne Staley’s unholy vocal chords. He definitely sold his soul to the devil. His voice is ridiculous.
4Guns ‘n’ Roses – Sweet Child O’ Mine
I’ve never been a huge fan of the L.A. hair metallers, but this is a bone fide pop gem. Replete with instantly recognisable everything. Bass-line, lead guitar, vocals. The whole thing is iconic. For a more romantic moment perhaps. For some reason, I don’t feel like Axl Rose as ever being in a romantic situation. I mean, he seems kind of unable to connect to other human beings. Regardless, he writes some good lyrics about love. And that’s all I care about.
3Deftones – Sex Tape
Alt metal legends Deftones write the sexiest music of all time. Chino’s impressionaistic lyrics, vulnerability vocal delivery, those big, warm choruses, ethereal soundscapes. It’s like shoegaze, if shoegazers wrote pop songs. My word. ‘Sex Tape’ is from the group’s comeback album Diamond Eyes which was about a million times better than it had any right to be. A classic.
2Nine Inch Nails – Closer
Now here’s a tune. Obviously, it’s all about the beat. A good solid beat and rhythm is essential. Taken from NIN’s 1994 magnum opus The Downward Spiral, the track caused lots of controversy at the time due to the somewhat saucy video and the repeated refrain of, “I wanna fuck you like an animal.” Damn, the world has gotten pretty tame in the intervening 25 years. Couldn’t imagine a mainstream artist having a hit with such a confrontational and direct swear. I still wouldn’t play this track in front of my mom and for that alone, it’s the absolute tits.
1Type O Negative – Love You To Death
I love Type O Negative. But, could never figure out if they were being serious or taking the piss. In the end, I figure they’re doing both. Peter Steele was genuinely a troubled dude, but also saw the funny side in pretty much anything. Take ‘Everything Dies’ as an example. That track is simultanouesly harrowing and hilarious. Anyway, ‘Love You To Death’ has that same kind of serious/piss take combo. And it’s all the better for it. That’s it. See ya’ll later. I’m on Type O Negative for the evening.